I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
