Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize