i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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