God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
