the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
