Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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