We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
