I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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