then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
