You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
