So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
