i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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