For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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