Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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