oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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