i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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