he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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