the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
