Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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