That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
