My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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