I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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