I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
