I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
