I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish i was in the wii world.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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