I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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