PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
