Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
be right there i have to get my cape
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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