Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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