You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is it because I queefed?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
