Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
