come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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