I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize