That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
