spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ketchup is God's man juice
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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