hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
