She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
