just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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