I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
