ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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