I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
