Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
