it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I love you. Go after that dick
I smell like Dick and happiness
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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