dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
