My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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