I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
