Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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