I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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