Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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