....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
