who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
