He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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