i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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