It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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